and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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