hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
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