My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I want a musical about memes.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
