Whatcha textin bout Willis?
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
