considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
you inspire me to be a worse person
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
