the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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