if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
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