he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Randomize
