did you get engaged???
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
