so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
