i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
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