Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Randomize
