my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
