she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Holy shit dude........stairs
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