I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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