I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
