Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
