every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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