people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
