I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
