Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
