if only i could text you this smell
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
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