Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
