He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
