I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I would fuck him just for his dog
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
