Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
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