you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
