I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
pop tarts are not kleenex
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
