there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
