Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
