Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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