I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
