is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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