Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
