I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
