I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
