I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
