I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
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My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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