He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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