ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
