I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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