I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Randomize
