CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Randomize
