when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Randomize
