i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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