sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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