I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
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