HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Randomize
