i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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