Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
