the new term for farting is butt boxing.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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