Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
