I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
