i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
