Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Randomize
