You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
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