I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
