im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
