At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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