OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Randomize
