I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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