tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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