she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
