I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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