My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
