We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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