I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
