She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
it's like iHOP with fire
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
