did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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