So drunk, too bad you don't want this
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
