hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
You need Xanax blowdarts
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Randomize
