I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
