He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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