It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
The power of my boobs compel you
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Randomize
